I used to smoke

So, I’m trying to make a point to have something posted every Monday — so for lack of better topic, my friends at work reminded me of a fun one: I used to smoke.

Normally, not a big deal, you quit, woohoo. But of course: I quit like a nerd.

Taking control

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Let’s not kid around: cigarettes are scary addictive. They controlled a lot of how I made my daily decisions on where to go and what to do. I suspect many smokers are like this, even if they’re not ready to admit it.

Want to go visit family? How long will you stay? Do you smoke around them? What about a movie? Is it too long? What about that restaurant? Oh, they don’t have a smoking section. Nevermind. 

It was late 2009, April and I had just found out our first child was on their way to meet us, and so we needed to “become parents.” Yes, that sounds ridiculous even now, but it’s how it made sense in my head. It was time to start thinking longer term. One of those thoughts was:

I REALLY NEED TO QUIT SMOKING

So I started doing research, and I found out about electronic cigarettes. Then I did a lot more research.

Then I bought this:

Titan 510

Titan 510

And actually, what I bought was specifically (though an older packaging):

 

Titan 510 Starter Kit

Titan 510 Starter Kit

Two batteries, two atomizers, mine actually came with a charging case for the batteries, which was quite helpful, as the batteries (at least then) didn’t seem to last particularly long (but then, my memory is also pretty fuzz at this point).

I got a “Tobacco” flavored “nic juice” (what they call the fluid that contains the nicotine, flavoring, and propylene glycol), liked it, and after a week of struggling, was happily 100% on e-cigarettes. Yes — I had withdrawal when switching entirely to e-cigarettes. Let’s be very clear here: nicotine is not the only thing in cigarettes that you are addicted to. If there was any question in your mind, let me make that clear. You will go through withdrawal switching to e-cigarettes from traditional cigarettes.

Once I had made the transition, a few weeks after that my body realized I was no longer “smoking” and … started, we will say, “removing” some of the “toxins”. Gross. Anyway, not long after, I had to start figuring out a long term plan to get off of nicotine completely. Now here came an issue: The nic juice I liked came in 24mg, 18mg, and 12mg “flavors” but that is as low as it went. They didn’t offer 8mg, 4mg, or 0mg versions, so I had to start trying to branch out my flavor choices into one that could support me stepping down to a 0mg nicotine fluid.

After many rounds, I was forced to give up on the pre-made option, as none of them either A) tasted good to me, or B) had 0 nicotine versions. So I did what any programmer does when nothing out their suits their needs: I rolled my own!

Let’s take a side-step and look at what nic juice is made of:

  • Nicotine
  • Flavoring
  • Propylene Glycol
  • Vegetable Glycerin

Now I’m not sure of the exact origin of the science of all of this, but it seems that they figured out they could extract nicotine from tobacco leaves with a Propylene Glycol based solution. I was able to find a business would send me a (relatively speaking) GIANT bottle of (I think) 36mg nicotine solution. Now this is not for the faint of heart. If I had spilled this solution on my hands, could have possibly died from nicotine poisoning. Kind of scary, but if you take appropriate precautions, it’s fine.

So I took this essentially flavorless nic juice, and had to cut it down. I didn’t need 36mg nic juice. But if I used 1 part nic juice and 2 parts propylene glycol (Remember to get USP grade, kids. It’s going in your body, it needs to be food-safe.), I would get a nice 12mg nic juice to start with. To that, I kid you not, you add candy flavoring. YES! CANDY FLAVORING! 😀 My flavor of choice, which tasted the best to me after all the ones I tried: grape.

That’s right, I smoked grape nic juice. And it was hilariously awesome when others caught a whiff of it, as it completely threw people off. Having full control of the nic juice let me slowly titrate myself down to 0mg, freeing myself from the horrors of smoking. Or so I thought.

2 weeks of vaping 0mg grape nic juice, and I started to feel a little silly. I needed to just stop, as there was now no gain from the action, aside from all the trouble associated with trying to create, maintain, and fill my own containers with candy flavored propylene glycol. It was a mess, it took quite a bit of time, I needed to be done.

So I quit.

Second reality check of the whole thing: even though the chemical addition was gone, my body rebelled against losing the habit of smoking. I had all of the classic nicotine withdrawal symptoms, with irritability being close to the top of them. It was a very tense week or two at my house.

But then I was free.

Now, nearly four years later, I think you could count on one hand the number of cigarettes I’ve had since — and that’s only because I can’t remember well enough to say I haven’t had any since I quit. I don’t remember any. You will occasionally find me standing by the smokers, wistfully wishing they wouldn’t taste horrible if I tried one,  breathing in their smoke.

What does this have to do with programming?

Well — not a lot. But I think I told you that story to tell you this: there is always a way to accomplish something. Don’t let “it’s hard” stop you. Not get derailed because not all the options you want are present. Persist.  I went to ridiculous lengths to quit smoking, because it was important enough to do so. Don’t let “can’t” stop you if it’s important. Find a way.

Testing Browser JavaScript Completely

If you have been watching my GitHub, you may have noticed a new repository show up a little while ago, named Testing Browser Javascript Completely.

The short story about that repository is that the current collective body of understanding on how to build a robust, flexible, and useful testing ecosystem for client side JavaScript with the current suite of tools available in the JavaScript space is infinitesimally small. Getting a framework set up that tested things in the correct way took weeks of effort. If we added up the amount of time the team spent on this testing setup, it would be in the hundreds of person hours.

The long story

Needless to say, where I work we’re pretty serious when it comes to testing. We want not only to get it right, but to have it actually be right, and to have it give us the information we need to be able to make accurate decisions about our level of confidence in the code we produce.

Things are not always as they seem

The first large hurdle I hit on this journey was simply a language context issue. Naming things is hard. Today, on the web, “JavaScript Testing” means node.js. Almost exclusively, every time you read something recent about testing JavaScript, it’s not telling you how to test browser side frontend JavaScript. You have to look for “client side” or “browser side” or similar words indicating that what you are looking at is actually useful for testing frontend code.

The trick is — you don’t know that until you have gone too far. You’ll read things that say “Ok, install X, Y and Z with npm” and little do you know you’re already eating from the poisoned apple. If you are pulling your testing libraries (not support files, but the testing libraries themselves) you have already lost the war. First they get you to install Mocha and Chai with npm. Then you’re installing some abstraction layer that occupies globals.window to make your code think it’s running in a browser. This works right up until you start testing things that 100% expect to be running in a browser (like jQuery plugins). [Insert brick wall here.]

Testing code meant to run in a browser requires a browser

When it comes down to it, you need to be running your tests in a browser. But we’re also command line junkies and automating fools, so we have to satisfy our desire for testing against our desire to not repeatedly mash F5. Let’s be perfectly clear: refresh based testing is a valid testing strategy but it is definitely not a good one. I’d like to introduce you to my new friend PhantomJS. Now, PhantomJS and I get along fairly well, but figuring out the best way to talk to my good buddy caused us quite a bit of trouble. We started with grunt-phantomjs which worked right up until it didn’t. I don’t recall what the issue was at the time, but there was something specific with the Mocha wiring once we changed to browser side JavaScript testing that threw it for a loop. That’s when PhantomJS and I met grunt-mocha-phantomjs. It worked great! Ran the tests like a charm. Nice console output. You know… once we figured out the 15 steps to wire it all up nicely.

testing-browser-javascript-completely_—_bash_—_120×40-4

Now that we had a basis to work from, we needed to make sure we make sure we could use this specific setup with Jenkins, so we dug in and figured out that with only a minor change, we could also get it to output an XUnit formatted log file. Yay!

Now that we have the basics covered…

We’ve now hit our very basic bare minimum of acceptable tooling. We can write unit tests against any code we have, and run them in a CLI interface, quickly, to make sure we have not broken anything. Now we needed a way to make sure that we were writing unit tests against all of the code we had, so we would know that our changes hadn’t broken anything[Maestro, cue the music for the great code coverage war, please…]

Well, to be fair, it wasn’t actually a war. Let me rewind. Before we had realized we were doing everything wrong yet again, we had already gotten code coverage instrumented with Istanbul. If you are doing code coverage in JS and haven’t looked at Istanbulit’s about time you do. It provides an amazingly in-depth look at your code. Files, statement, branches, functions, and lines. This differs substantially to my experience with at least one other code coverage tool which we will talk about in a moment — I’ll get there, don’t worry. So we had Istanbul up and running, then we refactor everything to use PhantomJS and bam, code coverage is completely busted. Hacked and hacked to no avail, and then it dawned on me. Mocha (and by that virtue, Istanbul) was now running in the browser (ok, PhantomJS, but still…), which meant it could no longer write it’s data to the file system like it used to when we were running Mocha from the command line directly.

Needless to say, this made the chance of getting our wonderfully nice Istanbul coverage reports up and running again look a little bleak. Of course, at this point, we weren’t fully aware of how wonderfully nice Istanbul’s reports were. I took this opportunity to re-evaluate our tool selection for code coverage, and figured I would try out Blanket.js. It offered the promise of being simpler to instrument (no special step to modify the source code you want to coverage test), and you know, might actually work with our setup. Once we got it spun up I noticed something right away though: the coverage information was nowhere near as robust. Blanket.js offered just line based coverage information. Don’t get me wrong, line based coverage is better than no coverage, but I’d seen better. I wanted better. We had to have the better solution to solve this correctly.

We figured out that with a few little config changes we can make our test framework pull up the code we instrumented with Istanbul. It also turns out that that is about all Istanbul needs to “work”. Notice I said “work” and not work. We had code coverage running. We had the data. We could see it through DOM inspection when we loaded the test suite in our browser. Oh yeah! Did I forget to tell you that part? We could run ‘grunt test:browser’ and it opened our unit tests in our preferred browser for interactive unit testing! Now remember that browser bit, it’s about to come back to bite us in the. Come on, coverage data! Don’t be shy, come hide out on my hard drive where my tools can consume you. Maybe that didn’t help things — Anyway. So then someone (who is not me, and who will give me flack for not remembering they did it — I’ll come back and edit in the correct name of our brilliant genius once their name comes to light) figures out a way to pass the data back from the browser through PhantomJS to Grunt, and have it write said data to a file on the hard drive. Like I said, Genius.

And best of all

I’ve wrapped all of this knowledge up into a GitHub repository named Testing Browser Javascript Completely. This is essentially the same setup we use. There’s more goodies I want to add to it, but it has the basics all there and ready for you to start building. Did we make any big mistakes? Could we do things better? Send us a PR or open an issue! JavaScript testing is too important to be this hard to set up correctly. Let’s work together and keep an open conversation about how to make this easier. We all win when we have better go-to tooling. Making it easy to test JavaScript means it is more likely it will get tested.

Decoupling your Composer from GitHub and Packagist made easy

One of the things I learned very early on about working with a large team, is if you don’t make tasks as frictionless as possible, they have a tendency to not get done.

When we bought into using Behat as our functional testing framework of choice, it came with a mandate that when we install Behat, it cannot come from public sources. GitHub goes down. Repositories get updated. There have been instances of repos being compromised. We had to insulate ourselves from all of that risk. Fortunately, Composer has a GREAT tool for this, called Satis.

Satis provides you a way to create your own Packagist repository, complete with distributable tarballs of supported libraries. The one problem that I ran into (and this may have since been fixed? I’m not sure!) is that I couldn’t get it to download the dependencies of my dependencies. For example, your composer.json requires Package A which requires Package B. When I tried this, Satis would only build a repository with Package A. Knowing this would cause trouble down the line, I decided there had to be a way to make this simpler.

Out of that, Satis Repository Builder was born.

It will generate a Satis repository and upload it to S3 all with a single command. It’s still got some cleanup, but I realized that if I hadn’t done it in the last 4 months I wasn’t likely to do it in the next 4, and perhaps some feedback (or pull requests!) will spur some new life into my interest in it.

Once you have uploaded your repo, you can simply use the following setup in your composer.json to enforce pulling from your Satis repository:

That’s it! I’m sure there’s tons that can be done to the repo builder, and I look forward to seeing issues and pull requests!

One last piece of advice from the trenches

When you’re using a tool like this to decouple yourself from the risk of third party updates, be sure you are as specific as possible. List all of your dependencies and your dependencies dependencies, so when you do need to go back and upgrade a version of something, you control the scope of the update, not composer. The more specific you are in your composer.json about versions, the less variation you will see between builds of your satis repository.

A change in pace and style

Historically I have tried to maintain a very specific tone and format for blog posts.

I have since decided it’s more important to me to get things written down and out there than to triple check and make sure everything is perfect.

If I’m going to advocate for others to be active in the community, I need to put up or shut up. So why not make my blog more closely mirror me: big, loud, opinionated, and weird.

Oh yeah, extra helpings of weird.

I’ve long said I’m ok being loud and crazy at conferences because if nothing else it gives the two most awkward people there (when one of them doesn’t happen to be me!) someone to point and laugh at together.

So, there you have it.

LONG LIVE THE WEIRD.

If you’re not worried yet, then you definitely have a lot more faith in my ability to be normal than I do.

Virtualizing your stack with Vagrant and Puppet (Redux)

I had the great fortune to be invited into the Columbus tech community and present my Virtualizing your stack with Vagrant and Puppet talk at the 2013 Columbus Code Camp. I had a blast, and if you’re reading this from Columbus, thank you for having such an awesome community.

This talk has been almost completely revamped since the last time I gave it. We walked through what Vagrant is, and how it relates to various virtual machine systems and cloud providers, and then forked from there to talk about how to use Puppet to create meaningful configuration of your servers.

Finally, and I think most importantly, we talked about how to sell the time investment to your superiors, and discussed the fact that if your development environment is not as close of a carbon copy of your production environment as possible, there is no clear way to verify that the code you have in your development environment will work at all once released to production.

(if the slides are not showing up, they may not have finished processing just yet)

Additional resources:

p.s. The video was reconstructed by manually taking the audio and combining them with the images in iMovie. If there’s something wrong, please let me know and I will work to correct it.

p.p.s. There is (somehow) a complete section on Hiera missing! I don’t know if I opened the wrong slide deck or what. The up side is there apparently wasn’t time to cover the material anyway, but the next time I give this talk it will be there.

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